Guest Reporter David Says: Find the Right Handshake For You!

Remember all of those times you were told that a good, strong handshake was the key to success in life? You were probably like, “Yea, whatever. Firm grip. I get it.” After years of embarrassing mishaps (inopportune timing, the hug-handshake misunderstanding, the sweaty palm) and successful but boring attempts, it has become clear that the handshake is an antiquated medium of physical introduction. You either do it well or you mess up. It is a matter of compliance. It is lame.

Life affords us – and sometimes rewards us for – opportunities to demonstrate our unique backgrounds, experiences, hopes and dreams. This is why all of society should embrace the high five. Whether you want to lay a solid foundation at an interview, impress that special lady, or make a new friend on 6^th and Market, the high five is the one of many kinds.

Here are a few ways that early adopters incorporate the high five into their daily routines. Why confine something so wonderful to the soccer field?

The Elbow

What it says: “Straight chillin. I know what I’m doing”

Whose sayin it: "I think I'm cool but I'm probably just be awkward and/or germaphobic"

Mullet Commentary

Piggy backing off my mullet-adorned accusatory finger pic, I wanted to pass this video along. I couldn't agree more with everything Jared Allen says.

I was alerted to its existence by Tommy Nowak, a oft-mulleted man of astounding esteem.

My Go-To Pose: The Accusatory Finger

You're at a party, someone pulls out their camera, and immediately you assume the pose -- your default picture pose.

Don't kid yourself, everyone has a go-to pose. I mean, you have to right? Nobody wants to be that awkward dude in the picture who doesn't know what to do with his hands, standing just a little too far away from everybody else, with a strained smile that says "Shit I don't want to be in this picture."

People Who Serve Me Things Also Arouse Me

When  I say that people who serve me things also arouse me, I wish I weren’t being so literal. Last night at an undisclosed bar (this place will be very evident to anyone who follows me on Twitter), the bar tender was a manifestation of my lusts.  From head to toe, it was as if God had created a man just for me.

He had a baseball cap embroidered with horses, a deer pendant necklace, a beard, bedroom eyes, and the most soothing voice I’ve ever head (devotees of my own sweet caramel voice would approve). When he leaned into to go over his drink recommendations for me,  it took all of my fortitude from melting into my stool.

All I Want for Christmas

Editor's Note: This post was originally written on the inside of an Urban Outfitters Bag. The contents of the bag have been transcribed to protect the vision of the innocent.

I have an upset stomach, and thus I am trying to distract myself until the sense of pending danger goes away. It seems fitting that I am writing this on what looks to be both a stomach and an advertisement for Pepto-Bismol gone awry, but what is really an Urban Outfitters bag that once held cargo shorts and leopard print tights. To whom it may concern, this is going to be a rambling note.

This Weekend's Vice: Shopping

Some weekends are spent drinking, others are spent eating, others are spent finding sexual partners or pining for lost ones. I attempted to do almost all of these things this weekend, but was only really able to partake in my favorite vice: clothes. I have created a visual digest for your viewing pleasure, approval, and judgment.

Annals of Interpersonal Interaction: Eye Contact

Everyone makes eye contact. Take the nouns men and women, add the adjectives gay and straight, and then imagine all the combinations that are possible.  Eye contact can be accidental, incidental, and fortuitous.

What matters isn’t whose eyes you happen to have affixed on your horizon, but what you do once it seems like there’s no one else around.

Last night, I went out to find a YooHoo retailer near my house, which is a surprisingly difficult task. I decided to start by walking north on Guerrero toward market, stopping in at all of the  convenience stores at the corner along the way. At 18^th, I switched to Church, and at 16^th and Church I made contact.

The Awkward Straight-Man-Can-I-Have-Your-Number Dance

"Hey man, I've had a great time today. We should go out sometime and grab a couple beers. Can I...ah...get your number?"

These are words I never thought capable of escaping my Midwestern mouth. And yet, they have--many times.

It really is an awkward moment: You went to an alumni bar on a Saturday to watch the [insert your college here] game and have a healthy amount of beers. In the process, you met a bunch of like-minded, friendly [again, insert your college here] fans, many of which are guys similar to yourself: recently moved to SF, work hard during the week in either the city or the South Bay and like/need to cut loose on the weekends.

Los Angeles Hipsters Make Video: StraightManGayMan Reports

If you've seen Where the Wild Things Are, then you've seen one very particular form of hipster reinterpretation of Maurice Sendak's classic children's book. If you haven't seen Where the Dirty Hipsters Are you are missing out on a great addition to the parody genre from our friendly hipsters from Los Angeles.

San Francisco Hipsters: A Report

As part of our to create a more tolerant and unified vision of the San Francisco experience, Ben and I set out to document the vertiable menagerie of hipsterdom on display from its intellectual highs in Bernal Heights to its investment banker nadir on Chestnut. Enclosed, you will find our complete report on San Francisco Hipsters.